it's 2nd november 2008 today...

yesterday was my birthday...while i was writing this, my head feel really hurts. yesterday was probably one of the most suckiest day in my life...what makes it more suckier, it happens during my birthday...

i have a fight with one of my best friend. well, we didn't punch each other or what, it's juz that we have a little bit of misunderstanding. and that 'little' bit of misunderstanding has created bigger problems. i can't tell the detailed story of it, but it seems that i have broken my friend's trust on me.

i really don't know what to say...i just feel guilty of what's happening.i don't know...maybe i'm too stupid to know this kind of thing. sometimes i feel that i'm very stupid to the point where i felt angry and hate myself. but seriously, i just don't know what to do...all i can ask is forgiveness, but do i really deserve it???

people said that apologies is the best medicine if u have done wrong towards others. but after doing that, why do i felt so insecure? i started to ask myself, "do i deserve to be forgiven?have i said sorry enough?do i really regret of what has happen?" i just acted like a stupid person and said "i really don't know". pffftt...what a stupid way too say it.

really, i hate myself...the thing is, i always brag to others that friendship is the most important thing in my life.but now, i've just deteriorate that "friendship" i have been proud of. again i ask myself, "have i sacrifice enough for my friend?do i always have to lose to others just for the sake of our friendship?haven't i done enough to them?" well fuck me for saying that. i don't even deserve to say that. the reason i say that is just because i'm afraid of being lonely without any friends. i curse myself for being so ignorant...

to my friend, if u read this, i hope that u can forgive ur dumbass friend here. i've never meant to hurt u. really, deep in my heart, i love u as my besties. ur my bro, ur in my circle of life, and forever i will always remember u guys.

i also want to thank my friends who's willing to help me with my problem. u guys r the best....a thousand thanks would not b enough to repay u guys.