it's 4.46am now. well, it's not like i haven't sleep yet, it's just that i woke too early and now i can't go back to sleep again. damn, this is the side effect of sleeping from 7am to 7pm...yes guys...i sleep for 12 hours yesterday, thanks to all the shit things that happened to me lately.....

lately i like to blog. now 70% of my internet time is used to blog, while other 30% is used to open my friendster, mails, and now that i have facebook it seems that there is always a thing for me to do when i'm online. back in the old days, i used to kept my own diary to express all my feelings and emotions. but now, i choose to blog because i thing that i should let other people know what's going on in my life. u guys might think "why do i do this?don't u care about ur privacy?or r u just trying to brag on ur life to other people?" but what's wrong with that? it's my choice to tell to other people about my secret life. and it's not like i'm going to tell EVERYTHING to them, right....

i've been living in this world for 20 years now. while writing this, i was trying to reminisce all the big things that has happen during my life. one of it happens in 2006. i fell in love for the first time in my life (haha..this is embarassing...). i met this girl at my tuition class during form 5, and she's very cute, i tell ya. she's not really outstands in the class, but there's just something i like about her. i never told her this, but actually i got her phone numbers by stealing it from my friend. so, i started to sms with her. i feel like a stalker at that time. but as time comes, she seems to feel comfortable towards me. it took me one year to convince her that i really2 love her. heck, i even do the most embarrasing thing in my life while proposing to her. thinking about it laughs me alot, but i don't regret about it. finally she accepted me and i was the most happiest person in the world that day.

but, our relationship is not that easy. back then, we were very2 far away from each other. we only met once during raya, and that's it. it's like when i come back to kuching, she wasn't there and when she comes back, i wasn't there also. so our relationship were develop only through messages and phone calls. maybe because of this, our relationship is not that strong. so, after one year, we broke up. pretty sad, huh??? well it''s an old story.

last two days, she send me a message wishing me a happy birthday. i was very happy to received it because i thought that she already has forrgotten of me. i repplied her and we have a few conversation, and it seems that she is now happy with his new bf. i feel glad for her because finally she has a bf that truly loves her and can concentrate on her at all time, more than me. to tell u the truth, i taught i was in love with her again when we started to sms again, but i think it's not because of that. it would be wrong if i said that i've forgotten of her. i do still remember her, and i'm gonna remember her for the rest of my life.

"Do you still love her?" well, of course i do. i can't hate her, right? but the love that i feel right now might not be the same with the love i felt back then. she has moved on with her life, and so should i. but i hope that she will never forget the memories that we have created together, although the memories are only worth a year.

hehehe...enough with love talk. let me review all the things that happen to me during my 20 years of life:

-get my first crush during standard 1. and now i'm meeting with her again....hehehhe...
-escape my first class during standard 5, and got scolded in front of the class for the first time.
-smoke for the first time during standard 5. damn u naughty boy!
-got 5A's in upsr(hehehe...)
-going to a secondary school fill with only boys(wtf????) during form 1.
-got 8A's in pmr(bragging, bragging again.hahahaha..)
-got my first bike during form 5
-go to club for the first time after school finish. and now it becomes a hobby for me... :)
-got my first gf during form 5 (lasted for only one month, though)
-got my first bike accident during form 5.
-going to utp last two years, until now....

*the list might get longer if i remember again....hehehehehe....

well, 20 is the age of adultery, and i think that i should act more maturely. it's time for me to change my oldself and become a new person. i still want to enjoy this life, and i will enoy it to the fullest.

THANK YOU GOD FOR LETTING ME LIVE FOR 20 YEARS AND ALL THE GOOD THINGS THAT YOU HAVE GIVEN ME TO....

it's 2nd november 2008 today...

yesterday was my birthday...while i was writing this, my head feel really hurts. yesterday was probably one of the most suckiest day in my life...what makes it more suckier, it happens during my birthday...

i have a fight with one of my best friend. well, we didn't punch each other or what, it's juz that we have a little bit of misunderstanding. and that 'little' bit of misunderstanding has created bigger problems. i can't tell the detailed story of it, but it seems that i have broken my friend's trust on me.

i really don't know what to say...i just feel guilty of what's happening.i don't know...maybe i'm too stupid to know this kind of thing. sometimes i feel that i'm very stupid to the point where i felt angry and hate myself. but seriously, i just don't know what to do...all i can ask is forgiveness, but do i really deserve it???

people said that apologies is the best medicine if u have done wrong towards others. but after doing that, why do i felt so insecure? i started to ask myself, "do i deserve to be forgiven?have i said sorry enough?do i really regret of what has happen?" i just acted like a stupid person and said "i really don't know". pffftt...what a stupid way too say it.

really, i hate myself...the thing is, i always brag to others that friendship is the most important thing in my life.but now, i've just deteriorate that "friendship" i have been proud of. again i ask myself, "have i sacrifice enough for my friend?do i always have to lose to others just for the sake of our friendship?haven't i done enough to them?" well fuck me for saying that. i don't even deserve to say that. the reason i say that is just because i'm afraid of being lonely without any friends. i curse myself for being so ignorant...

to my friend, if u read this, i hope that u can forgive ur dumbass friend here. i've never meant to hurt u. really, deep in my heart, i love u as my besties. ur my bro, ur in my circle of life, and forever i will always remember u guys.

i also want to thank my friends who's willing to help me with my problem. u guys r the best....a thousand thanks would not b enough to repay u guys.

waaa...it's 4 in da morning and i still haven't sleep.likewise, i got test this evening at 3 pm... damn...haven't study enough. But my head keeps telling me to waste my time writing this crap, again. i was thinking of doing this after i finish my test, but i guess i couldn't sleep right now. too many things is inside my head.

Ok, what do i want to say today? o yes. about my fieldtrip. last 2 weeks we went to Kpg Baru, Ayer Tawar, Perak (geez....why do i have to specified the name??) for our geomatics fieldwork. We have been given a task to conduct a detailed survey at a certain area. well i can't explain much, though. Detail Survey is usually done before people want to build something on that area. We started our small 'journey' from utp at 3pm and it only took less than a hour to reach there. The place was situated near a river (i'm not sure of this. some people call it a river, but from what i saw it doesn't look like it). It had an environment of a village, and the surroundings were really peaceful.

We were staying at a motel (well, i wouldn't call it a motel, i'll show u the picture and u'll understand.) what i can tell u about the room is, it's very hot during the day and very cold during the night. Plus, there's a lot of mosquitoes flying around at night!!! i mean, what kind of motel is this???

this is the room where we stayed. one room can fit 40+ people. so much for a motel....







OK...i can still tolerate with that. Because i couldn't stand the heat, i decided to go outside. But before that, i went to make a tour to the toilet and the bathroom. WARNING: what u are about to see may inflict a damage to ur head and ur soul:




this is the bathroom. how to bath?simple. use 'gayong' to take the water from the blue bucket and wash ur body...











old school bebeh!!!!no flush, no water pipe. how to wash ur......??simple, get a bucket of water, then...err...u can use ur own imagination....







See enough? pray that u guys will never meet this kind of toilet. well, at least the bathroom is ok. reminds me of my village long time ago(i mean, very2 long time ago..). But the toilet!!! i mean, what kind of toilet that doesn't have a flush, or even a water pipe??? It's like a toilet during the old days, accept that there is no need for a 'pencacai najis' to come and collect ur $#!T. wow....the government's campaign of 'Tandas Bersih' really didn't reach this place.

Enough with the 1 star accommodation...our work start on the Friday evening. We were asked to measure and sketch the area that we supposed to survey. Then the next morning, we conducted our detail survey to complete our sketch and produce a map using a computer. Well, during the surveying, i was sweating a lot. it was very hot that morning, and i also got a few surnburns. My friends laugh at me when i come back and said, "Keling mane ni???" When i hear that i started to think about my future...If this the thing that i will do when i become an engineer, i rather find another job.





Civil engineers at work! i was the person who hold the theodolite(the yellow thing). see my skin turn into dark....












under my order, the girls also have to learn how to use the theodolite.u won't often see females doing this kind of job...huahhahahaha....









After finishing our survey, i took a nap because i was too tired from not enough sleeping yesterday. in the evening, me and my friends walked around the village and took some pictures. Despite the accomodation, the scenery was great, especially during the evening. the breeze was refreshing, and the sound of children's playing around really brought a 'kampung' feel to me.






i like this picture. the view is nice....







At night, we were preparing our presentation for tomorrow. After the presentation, it's time to go home. For me, this trip is worse than my previous trip, but it's not that bad actually. i really have learnt a lot in this trip. well, goodbye Kampung Baru. Hope not to see u again.hehhehehehe....

Lately, someone has been pissing me off.

he came to my room, use my laptop like he owns it, downloading stupid stuff and then just leave it like that. because i was too fed up with him, i went out for a while. But later when i came back, he's gone, and didn't even lock the door!!!! what if somebody came n steel my stuff????

I mean, who the fuck r u??? u came to my room, asking for my stuff, and just run like that???? heck i was able to tolerate with ur actions for a while, but since u did this to me, i don't know man.

I heard people talking bad things about u. but now i really know. It happens in front of my eyes. I don't know man.

I REALLY DON'T KNOW....

Today i'm not so pissed...but yesterday, i was really fucking mad!! i rarely mad like this, but ur too much....really, u've tested my patient.

but it's ok. i forgive u already. but seriously, use ur fuckin head sometimes. everyone has their own privacy...

STAY AWAY FROM MY LIFE!!!!!!!

This will be the shortest post i've ever written.....

lastly, readers, sorry for the rude language...

haaa....finally got the time to do this stuff. lately it has been a crazy week for me. laz week i have a lot of tests, assignments, projects, and all the 's' that i can't think of because they're juz too many of them.

When i was opening this blog, i kinda ashamed of myself. It's already 3 months since i started writing this crap, but i only have 4 posts. it was like, "hey wtf am i doing?is my life that boring?nothing really happen each day of my life??am i a really boring person??" But i guess that i was just lazy to do this stuff.

Actually, a lot of things happen to me for the past 3 weeks. i was staying at my friend's house during raya bcoz i can't go back to kuching. kinda sad isn't it? But it's ok. It's kinda interesting to try 'beraya' at people's place once in a while. A lot happens during this period and i was planning to post it at my blog, but i was waiting for the pictures. no sweat, next time i will post it.

Elections are the main talk now in utp. nonetheless elections aren't that popular among utp students. based on last 2 years, only 20% of utp student vote for the election. Notice that i say last 2 years?well last year there was no election since all the candidates won without competing. But this year, my batch, july06 seems to have heat this year's election. Almost 90% of the candidates are from our batch. But the thing is, all the candidates have the same issue to debate on; integrity. It seems like there are not enough integrity among the students in utp. I guess it's rite. heck, during my school days, the word integrity doesn't even come out from our mouth. maybe bcoz in Sarawak we don't have problems like this. Well let them be. I just hope that there's a significant change in SRC(student representative council) bodies to be more proactive towards problems concerning the students in utp, not just talk and talk and more talk. Well they can start by improving this slow internet connection.damn, the internet here really sucks!!

This sem has been hectic, or rather dark, one i could say. Like my friend, bulu said: "Sem ni kelam la..." I guess he's right. It's been a busy sem, not only for me, but for my other friends too. And that 'busy' have somehow effects the relationship between some of my friends. Maybe it's inappropriate to say this, but i really hate it when my friends had a fight with each other. One thing is because it's not just effecting yourself, but also others around u. But Alhamdulillah, some of my friends have already make up with each other, and i feel really happy for them. Another thing that has also bothering me is i felt that some of our friends have rarely hang out with us. i know they have been busy, and i should give some space to them, but it's just that i've miss those days where all of us hang out together, going to mamak, midnight, fooling around. But i guess things like that just happen, sooner or later in our life. But i was really happy that all of us are still close.

Last friday, i went to a talent search concert in utp. Estranged was the guest artist!!!! Well, i'm not really a fan of them, but it's really rocking watching their performance!!! If mosh-pit are allowed, i would have been banging my head in front of the stage!!! beside Estranged, i also like the break-dancing group. I mean, they're totally cool! I've never thought that there's a BD group in utp. But other than that, the contestants for the Talent Search are really dissapointing me. There's this one old guy, he can't even sing properly according to the music. He just sing, without even realize that the singing part has not come out yet!!!! But not all the contestants are bad. Some really can sing, like Oliver. But that doesn't surprise me. He is last year's winner.

Friday was enjoying for me. At last i can release my tension by screaming and cheering in front of the stage(well, not technically infront of the stage. But i was sitting at the nearest seat to the stage.) Well, enjoying time is over. It's time for me to study like mad!!!!!

o damn...it's been a while since i do this shit. well it's already holiday now so i decided to continue updating my blog. well utp convofair 08 juz finish last month. congrats to our seniors that already finish their studies. it might sound weird but i've a mix feelings when watching these guys receive their certs and wearing their graduation robes.sometimes i felt jealous of them, because they already finish their studies.but sometimes i felt sad, because i know that after all of these, i will miss my free life during college time...hmm...but that's life. u juz have to endure it...

Well 'nuf said. here's some picture during Convofair week...



me posing with turkmenistan student at International culture club booth. juz to let u guys know that there are many foreign students from all around the world at utp.








souvenir booth.there are some nice souvenirs and toys here, and it's really cheap too.(unfortunately i always broke at time like diz....)








food stall.dunky donut and A&W also got!!!









quick shot on Convosquare....there's also performance by Nabil Raja Lawak and M.Nasir. sorry no pic..ngehehehehe....




Well that's all. hope for a better convofair next sem...

Wow...it's been two weeks since the last post. i was too busy doing my labworks and playing dota (yes, i am now officially a dota maniac...). i'm starting to get lazier and skipping many classes. this really bothers me, but i promise that i will change, starting today. hehe. well, a lot have happened during this two weeks. but it seems that i forgot it so i just gonna skip that part (damn, recently i tend to forget easily...).

Yesterday, we have a futsal competition at sportsplanet. this tournament was held by the convofair department (i forgot the name of the department). there are 40 teams registered in this tournament, not only from the students of utp, but there are also others from the outside. Again, me and my friends joined this tournament to get more experience and to enjoy ourselves.

Our match starts at 9.45am, and we were the first team to play for Group D , against a team called Cha-Cha. Ok, so the name is quite weird or rather funny, but you guys should check how they played. these Cha-cha guys are totally amazing!! they were cool, steady, and most importantly, they play beautifully. And you should see the players. their bodies are so big and tough, like a rugby player. i doubt they are a U students (yes, they're not from utp.an outsider team.). Well, we lost 2-0 to them. what a disaster start.

We played a total of 5 matches in the tournament. here's the result for all the matches that we played:

Mendung FC vs Cha-Cha: 0-2
Mendung FC vs Huru-Hara: 0-1 (Huru-hara was formerly known as winston 18. they used to pawned us 3-2.)
Mendung FC vs (forgot the team's name): 1-0
Mendung FC vs Dragon: 0-1
Mendung FC vs (forgot also): 0-1

See the scores? we only conceded 5 goals in total; 2 goals from cha-cha, 1 goal from Dragon and Huru-hara, and 1 goal each from the forgotten team. quite an impressive defence from our team, especially from the keeper. :)

o yeah, did i mention you that cha-cha is the finalist of this tournament? yes, they got 2nd place in this tournament. in our group, they pawned other teams 3 to 6 goals. but we only let them scores 2 goals.hehehehehehe......

Ok, enough for the big talk. we still lose 4 games, and only win once(courtesy of a own goal, isn't that sucks?no goals from our team in diz tournament!!!!) but it's quite enjoying. some pictures to share with u guys:













Mendung FC waited for the next match...














Mendung FC in action at Highbury. let's play!!!!!














This is me, the goalkeeper. have been smashed, fall, and kicked in the head. Break my tournament record of conceding 5 goals only. :)














My idol, Cha-cha no.3(don't know his name). his skill and no-see pass amazed me....














Azzuri FC. These guys have no manner at all despite being a foreigner. Being booed by the audience everytime they played....














Other foreigners that also joined this tournament. At least these guys r friendly though...














Event the committee enjoy themselves. congrats to them for holding such a good tournament...

Well, we have fun and enjoy this year's futsal tournament. i hope that we will enter again next year and hopefully we can go as far as we can, at least.

Mendung!!!!!!!

ha.....sunday....how i luv diz day. No class, no activities, no work, no nuthin. speaking about class, laz saturday was a busy day for me. i got geomatics lab from 8a.m to 12pm and from 2pm to 4pm. Lab on saturday? wtf?? yes it's true. and i thought "what a 'good' way to spend my precious saturday." But i'm not totally sad. the lab was kind of interesting. we were doing some levelling at a garden near block 13 and 14 (utp students should know where it is.) What i can tell you is that place is full of mosquitoes. i don't know how many times i was beaten, nor i can't tell you how suffering i was while doing my lab there.














civil engineer at work..

Enough with that. After the first lab, i decide to visit some of my friend who works at the MMK booth (MMK - Minggu Mesra Kampus. it's an event usually held before convofair.) the biggest booth there would probably be the proton booth. they showed some display car there, and it's really interesting. thanks to my friend's father who is willing to sponsor the MMK event and display their company's car. Besides that, there are also other interesting booth such as X-Pax both. Here they distributed free SIM card students. kinda cool huh? well i managed to get one, just because my friend begging me to get it for his gf.













Proton Booth. The main attraction at the MMK event. the one in the purple shirt is my friend who is one of the comittee in MMK.

But there aren't many booth open there. Juz some food and drinks booth, accessories booth, that's all. my friend told me to request a song at the DJ booth to our Mendung friends. i also request one song too, to a girl name Shafinaz. Nothing special though. She's the first girl i like in UTP, but during that time she's already has a bf and i also had a gf. but i kinda interested with her because she's like my type. (damn, i hope she doesn't read this.hahaha...)












This is the girl who i admired. Couldn't see her face here, but she is really cute. juz like to see her face, that's all.nothing more than that. :)

Later at night, i went to an event called Symphony fest. like the name says, it's all about music. some are good, but some are boring. Congrats to Orchestra and Virtuoso group, they really live up the event(sorry, no pic). Finish with symphony fest, me and my friends went to McD and full our stomach.

Enough with saturday. Sunday came and i have all the time for me to sleep. nothing much happen. just eat and sleep and eat again. But today i experience something that i never done before. I was driving a car!!!!! yes, believe it or not, this is my first time driving a car. my friend ask me to drive his car from Salam to UTP, and i tell you i was thrilled. it was totally different from video games and arcade. Thanks to Duke who willingly to lend his car to me.

Woah, i think i wrote too long here. what the heck. This weekend was so tiring, but these coming days will be more hectic than ever. Just hope that i can update this blog everyday....

OMG! After haven't blogging for a long time, i really act like a noob while doing this shit. Well never mind. This is my new blog. Please be free to give up any comment or shit like that here.

Well, nothing much to say. Actually this is not the first time i'm doing diz blogging thing. i used to blog at friendster, but what i did was i treated that blog as my daily diary, and that really embarrassed me a lot. That's why i deleted it from my page. But what the heck, it's already in the past. i'm writting a new one here, and i'm gonna share a lot of things with guyz.

Still, i won't update my blog everytime. due to my job as a student, i will be busy doing my shitty assignments and study like hell to improved my grade. o yeah, speaking about my grade, last semester wasn't that easy for me. Enjoying too much and in the end, i got fucked up. so this semester i promise i will do better and hope that i won't disappointed my family again.

Enough about that. while writing this shit, i was asking myself; why suddenly blogging?and what exactly do you know about blogging? Well said. I don't even know the answer. Probably i thought it was cool to do this kind of things, and probably because i'm too bored. but one thing for sure is, blogging is the place where i spit everything out. sometimes you have something to say but you too sissy to tell it to your friends. but it's ok. that's why they created this kind of shit. so people won't call you a sissy anymore.hahahhaha....

well that's about it. i bet my blog aren't any special at first. but i will try to improve it. o yeah, please mind my english. my english really suck ass. partly because i don't speak english to my friend(because we malays are proud with our language,or rather they just using it as an excuse, u know what i mean.) But i determine to improve it.







"let's put a smile on that face.." Joker aka the late Heath Ledger


I love this face. reminds me at Stephen King's "IT" clown.