it's 2nd november 2008 today...

yesterday was my birthday...while i was writing this, my head feel really hurts. yesterday was probably one of the most suckiest day in my life...what makes it more suckier, it happens during my birthday...

i have a fight with one of my best friend. well, we didn't punch each other or what, it's juz that we have a little bit of misunderstanding. and that 'little' bit of misunderstanding has created bigger problems. i can't tell the detailed story of it, but it seems that i have broken my friend's trust on me.

i really don't know what to say...i just feel guilty of what's happening.i don't know...maybe i'm too stupid to know this kind of thing. sometimes i feel that i'm very stupid to the point where i felt angry and hate myself. but seriously, i just don't know what to do...all i can ask is forgiveness, but do i really deserve it???

people said that apologies is the best medicine if u have done wrong towards others. but after doing that, why do i felt so insecure? i started to ask myself, "do i deserve to be forgiven?have i said sorry enough?do i really regret of what has happen?" i just acted like a stupid person and said "i really don't know". pffftt...what a stupid way too say it.

really, i hate myself...the thing is, i always brag to others that friendship is the most important thing in my life.but now, i've just deteriorate that "friendship" i have been proud of. again i ask myself, "have i sacrifice enough for my friend?do i always have to lose to others just for the sake of our friendship?haven't i done enough to them?" well fuck me for saying that. i don't even deserve to say that. the reason i say that is just because i'm afraid of being lonely without any friends. i curse myself for being so ignorant...

to my friend, if u read this, i hope that u can forgive ur dumbass friend here. i've never meant to hurt u. really, deep in my heart, i love u as my besties. ur my bro, ur in my circle of life, and forever i will always remember u guys.

i also want to thank my friends who's willing to help me with my problem. u guys r the best....a thousand thanks would not b enough to repay u guys.

waaa...it's 4 in da morning and i still haven't sleep.likewise, i got test this evening at 3 pm... damn...haven't study enough. But my head keeps telling me to waste my time writing this crap, again. i was thinking of doing this after i finish my test, but i guess i couldn't sleep right now. too many things is inside my head.

Ok, what do i want to say today? o yes. about my fieldtrip. last 2 weeks we went to Kpg Baru, Ayer Tawar, Perak (geez....why do i have to specified the name??) for our geomatics fieldwork. We have been given a task to conduct a detailed survey at a certain area. well i can't explain much, though. Detail Survey is usually done before people want to build something on that area. We started our small 'journey' from utp at 3pm and it only took less than a hour to reach there. The place was situated near a river (i'm not sure of this. some people call it a river, but from what i saw it doesn't look like it). It had an environment of a village, and the surroundings were really peaceful.

We were staying at a motel (well, i wouldn't call it a motel, i'll show u the picture and u'll understand.) what i can tell u about the room is, it's very hot during the day and very cold during the night. Plus, there's a lot of mosquitoes flying around at night!!! i mean, what kind of motel is this???

this is the room where we stayed. one room can fit 40+ people. so much for a motel....







OK...i can still tolerate with that. Because i couldn't stand the heat, i decided to go outside. But before that, i went to make a tour to the toilet and the bathroom. WARNING: what u are about to see may inflict a damage to ur head and ur soul:




this is the bathroom. how to bath?simple. use 'gayong' to take the water from the blue bucket and wash ur body...











old school bebeh!!!!no flush, no water pipe. how to wash ur......??simple, get a bucket of water, then...err...u can use ur own imagination....







See enough? pray that u guys will never meet this kind of toilet. well, at least the bathroom is ok. reminds me of my village long time ago(i mean, very2 long time ago..). But the toilet!!! i mean, what kind of toilet that doesn't have a flush, or even a water pipe??? It's like a toilet during the old days, accept that there is no need for a 'pencacai najis' to come and collect ur $#!T. wow....the government's campaign of 'Tandas Bersih' really didn't reach this place.

Enough with the 1 star accommodation...our work start on the Friday evening. We were asked to measure and sketch the area that we supposed to survey. Then the next morning, we conducted our detail survey to complete our sketch and produce a map using a computer. Well, during the surveying, i was sweating a lot. it was very hot that morning, and i also got a few surnburns. My friends laugh at me when i come back and said, "Keling mane ni???" When i hear that i started to think about my future...If this the thing that i will do when i become an engineer, i rather find another job.





Civil engineers at work! i was the person who hold the theodolite(the yellow thing). see my skin turn into dark....












under my order, the girls also have to learn how to use the theodolite.u won't often see females doing this kind of job...huahhahahaha....









After finishing our survey, i took a nap because i was too tired from not enough sleeping yesterday. in the evening, me and my friends walked around the village and took some pictures. Despite the accomodation, the scenery was great, especially during the evening. the breeze was refreshing, and the sound of children's playing around really brought a 'kampung' feel to me.






i like this picture. the view is nice....







At night, we were preparing our presentation for tomorrow. After the presentation, it's time to go home. For me, this trip is worse than my previous trip, but it's not that bad actually. i really have learnt a lot in this trip. well, goodbye Kampung Baru. Hope not to see u again.hehhehehehe....

Lately, someone has been pissing me off.

he came to my room, use my laptop like he owns it, downloading stupid stuff and then just leave it like that. because i was too fed up with him, i went out for a while. But later when i came back, he's gone, and didn't even lock the door!!!! what if somebody came n steel my stuff????

I mean, who the fuck r u??? u came to my room, asking for my stuff, and just run like that???? heck i was able to tolerate with ur actions for a while, but since u did this to me, i don't know man.

I heard people talking bad things about u. but now i really know. It happens in front of my eyes. I don't know man.

I REALLY DON'T KNOW....

Today i'm not so pissed...but yesterday, i was really fucking mad!! i rarely mad like this, but ur too much....really, u've tested my patient.

but it's ok. i forgive u already. but seriously, use ur fuckin head sometimes. everyone has their own privacy...

STAY AWAY FROM MY LIFE!!!!!!!

This will be the shortest post i've ever written.....

lastly, readers, sorry for the rude language...

haaa....finally got the time to do this stuff. lately it has been a crazy week for me. laz week i have a lot of tests, assignments, projects, and all the 's' that i can't think of because they're juz too many of them.

When i was opening this blog, i kinda ashamed of myself. It's already 3 months since i started writing this crap, but i only have 4 posts. it was like, "hey wtf am i doing?is my life that boring?nothing really happen each day of my life??am i a really boring person??" But i guess that i was just lazy to do this stuff.

Actually, a lot of things happen to me for the past 3 weeks. i was staying at my friend's house during raya bcoz i can't go back to kuching. kinda sad isn't it? But it's ok. It's kinda interesting to try 'beraya' at people's place once in a while. A lot happens during this period and i was planning to post it at my blog, but i was waiting for the pictures. no sweat, next time i will post it.

Elections are the main talk now in utp. nonetheless elections aren't that popular among utp students. based on last 2 years, only 20% of utp student vote for the election. Notice that i say last 2 years?well last year there was no election since all the candidates won without competing. But this year, my batch, july06 seems to have heat this year's election. Almost 90% of the candidates are from our batch. But the thing is, all the candidates have the same issue to debate on; integrity. It seems like there are not enough integrity among the students in utp. I guess it's rite. heck, during my school days, the word integrity doesn't even come out from our mouth. maybe bcoz in Sarawak we don't have problems like this. Well let them be. I just hope that there's a significant change in SRC(student representative council) bodies to be more proactive towards problems concerning the students in utp, not just talk and talk and more talk. Well they can start by improving this slow internet connection.damn, the internet here really sucks!!

This sem has been hectic, or rather dark, one i could say. Like my friend, bulu said: "Sem ni kelam la..." I guess he's right. It's been a busy sem, not only for me, but for my other friends too. And that 'busy' have somehow effects the relationship between some of my friends. Maybe it's inappropriate to say this, but i really hate it when my friends had a fight with each other. One thing is because it's not just effecting yourself, but also others around u. But Alhamdulillah, some of my friends have already make up with each other, and i feel really happy for them. Another thing that has also bothering me is i felt that some of our friends have rarely hang out with us. i know they have been busy, and i should give some space to them, but it's just that i've miss those days where all of us hang out together, going to mamak, midnight, fooling around. But i guess things like that just happen, sooner or later in our life. But i was really happy that all of us are still close.

Last friday, i went to a talent search concert in utp. Estranged was the guest artist!!!! Well, i'm not really a fan of them, but it's really rocking watching their performance!!! If mosh-pit are allowed, i would have been banging my head in front of the stage!!! beside Estranged, i also like the break-dancing group. I mean, they're totally cool! I've never thought that there's a BD group in utp. But other than that, the contestants for the Talent Search are really dissapointing me. There's this one old guy, he can't even sing properly according to the music. He just sing, without even realize that the singing part has not come out yet!!!! But not all the contestants are bad. Some really can sing, like Oliver. But that doesn't surprise me. He is last year's winner.

Friday was enjoying for me. At last i can release my tension by screaming and cheering in front of the stage(well, not technically infront of the stage. But i was sitting at the nearest seat to the stage.) Well, enjoying time is over. It's time for me to study like mad!!!!!

o damn...it's been a while since i do this shit. well it's already holiday now so i decided to continue updating my blog. well utp convofair 08 juz finish last month. congrats to our seniors that already finish their studies. it might sound weird but i've a mix feelings when watching these guys receive their certs and wearing their graduation robes.sometimes i felt jealous of them, because they already finish their studies.but sometimes i felt sad, because i know that after all of these, i will miss my free life during college time...hmm...but that's life. u juz have to endure it...

Well 'nuf said. here's some picture during Convofair week...



me posing with turkmenistan student at International culture club booth. juz to let u guys know that there are many foreign students from all around the world at utp.








souvenir booth.there are some nice souvenirs and toys here, and it's really cheap too.(unfortunately i always broke at time like diz....)








food stall.dunky donut and A&W also got!!!









quick shot on Convosquare....there's also performance by Nabil Raja Lawak and M.Nasir. sorry no pic..ngehehehehe....




Well that's all. hope for a better convofair next sem...